Finding Personal Strength

What does it mean to me to awaken my soul?  Looking back at my first Journal from September 2013, I have tried to reconnect with what I got from those first few Shin-Rai-Healing® series classes, here are some examples of what I learned:

When I was trying to find my power, myself, and get in touch with my own personal strength, I reached out to the Aug/Sep 2013 6 week series called “Personal Empowerment Series”.  What I learned in a very short period of time was that I was focusing outside of myself on what was wrong in my life. The first thing I journaled about was my unhealthy relationship with my husband.  In the first three classes after attempting to meditate and get in touch with my heart instead of my head (which is a key lesson I learned from Shin-Rai-Healing) I learned and assimilated the fact that I cannot change other peoples’ behavior, but I can learn to love myself enough to protect myself from that behavior. I also journaled about how that relationship made me feel and I cried real tears of sadness for myself and came to understand that something in my life truly had to change. So the first thing I decided to change was how I was treating the people in my life, because maybe if I could bring myself to love myself enough, I could also love my husband for who he really was and not hate him for the person I had made him out to be. And that my friends was in the six-week series I took!

In early October 2013 I had my first true meditation experience and these are the words I wrote when I was told to journal my first thoughts after the meditation:

I felt the warm sand and cold water of the ocean on my feet and ankles.

I felt my legs and thighs not supporting me, not allowing me to stand-up

I felt like my Dad, (who had passed away 2 and a half years prior to this experience) in my hips and lower back, AND I felt like screaming.

I felt fear in my chest and pain more like a physical pain than an emotional pain (my Dad passed from a congestive heart failure and cardiac arrest)

I felt sadness on my shoulders

I am not sure if I let anything go, but after writing this I felt love.

During the third class the subject was forgiveness of the things in my life that I had not forgiven myself for. I wrote in my journal a few things I know I have been carrying around with me all my life. And the last question was, “Am I willing to forgive myself? “ And my answer in my journal was a resounding “yes”, I am willing and able to do that.

These entries were written in my journal almost five years ago and currently I am following my path instead of the path I thought I had to follow. My marriage has survived thus far and it is a daily blessing and often times a struggle, but I know now how to not always have to be right because I am afraid. I have faced my fears and I know my soul and my heart are there to help my brain make sense of it all. My heart is full and my mind is more able to stop and appreciate the daily blessings and struggles no matter what they are. I have learned to stand up for what I want and need and to accept that whatever happens I can handle it.

Libby Knapp

#Emergence #Transformation #PersonalGrowth #Healing #Forgiveness #Meditation #Awaken

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